I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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