I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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