Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
