I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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