ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
