I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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