She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
