I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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