he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
