Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize