I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
