what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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