i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
