the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
