fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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