This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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