real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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