you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
