i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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