they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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