rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
