I seem to have left my pride at pride
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
