Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
