I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
