just tell him i said nine months
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
