I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
