No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
