I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
