I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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