i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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