Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
