You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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