ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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