Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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