I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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