It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
