I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
