I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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