I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
