How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
