I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
