Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
