i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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