Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ugly people sure do ruin things
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
