so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
nutella sex= disaster
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
