Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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