I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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