2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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