He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
