The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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