when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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