a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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