Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
