i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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