So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
