One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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