Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
