Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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