I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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