Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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