Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
