How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
