i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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